Thinking Too Much
by RighterWriter
Summary: Stein blows up at Spirit over a little missed sleep. K plus for language.


"It must be nice."

"Huh?"

"Being you. Must be nice."

Stein was sitting upside-down on the couch, throwing the pillow up and then catching it. He had been really docile all day; in fact, he'd been downright lethargic. Tossing the pillow in the air was the closest thing to physical activity he'd had all day, except dragging himself from class to class. He hadn't run off to the library to ditch any classes, either. Spirit had gotten suspicious, but since he wasn't bothering anyone, he'd decided not to look a gift horse in the mouth. This sudden startup of conversation startled him.

"What do you mean, 'it must be nice being me'?"

"Oh, just… walking around. Not thinking."

"Hey! What the hell are you talking about?! Of course I think!"

"No you don't. You just… walk. Maybe talk. Sometimes eat. But you don't think. Not like I do."

"Well excuse me if I'm not a genius like you."

"No. I won't excuse you. But I'll tolerate you. Just like I tolerate everyone else around me."

"Hey, what's wrong with you? You're acting weird. Well… differently weird than you normally act." He thought about what he'd just said, wondering if it even made sense.

"I've just been… thinking. Like I always do. Just thinking. Sitting around thinking. Walking around thinking. Thinking while I sleep. If that's what you call what I do at nights." He looked… bitter? Spirit didn't think he'd ever shown that emotion before. It concerned him, and he started thinking over what had gone on that day, trying to figure out what had happened that would have caused this, or what he had missed. Sure, Stein had been awfully sluggish, but he was just like that sometimes.

"Stein, what are you talking about?"

Stein righted himself and threw the pillow on the ground. "Thinking, Spirit! _Thinking!_ All the time! It must be nice not to have to do that!"

Spirit was completely taken aback. "I-I… Wh—"

"THINK, damn it! That's all I ever do! I see a… a… I don't know, a flower! And I wonder, just… just _wonder!_ Everything I see, I wonder! I think, I… I…" He flumped backward onto the couch and put his head in his hands. Spirit held his breath, unsure of what to do or what he would do next. When Stein's shoulders started shaking, Spirit frowned.

"Hey, are you okay?"

"NO!" Stein took his face out of his hands. His cheeks were wet; the look on his face wasn't anger, as it normally was in such outbursts. It was _desperation._ "NO! I am NOT okay, Spirit! I can't turn it off! And you—you just…" He gestured vaguely with his hands. "You just… Walk. You look, but you don't really see. You have no idea…" His voice broke, but he went on. "You don't have any _fucking_ idea what it's like to be so brilliant! Everything is a puzzle, everything… Everything just screams, 'Hey, I bet you don't know what _I_ do! Why don't you figure it out?' and I just, I HAVE to! And then my brain says, 'You want to sleep? No, fuck you!'"

"Stein, calm down…" Spirit didn't know he actually KNEW those words.

"NO!" He made a noise that was halfway between a groan and a sob. "I… I'm so tired… I haven't slept in days, and my brain just won't shut off…" He slammed his fist into the table-furious-and then rested his head in the crook of his arm on that same table, clearly exhausted. After a few moments, he raised his head and looked at his partner, and it seemed to Spirit like he was seeing Stein for the first time. With his face so red with emotion, the blue circles beneath his eyes looked like bruises, and the expression on his face made him look so… _vulnerable._ "I just want a few minutes of quiet."

"I can go hang out wi—"

"That doesn't matter. It doesn't… _matter_..." He stuck his face in his arms. Spirit could hardly hear him anymore. "Don't you see? It doesn't matter how quiet it is out here. I could sleep at night if it was just that…"

"Um."

"Just…" He sobbed silently into his arm. "Just _one minute_ of real sleep…"

Spirit had no idea what to do. He could call the school nurse, but he doubted that would help. Anyway, Stein had a thing about doctors—he wanted to murder every single one of them with a hatchet and a tube of toothpaste. Spirit didn't ask about the toothpaste.

"Is there anything I… Oh." With his head still in his arm, Stein had fallen asleep. "I guess that solves that."


End file.
